May 12, 2009, 10:27 am : No More Reviews
Filed Under: ReviewsDiscussion: C[0]mments
I’m not going to do reviews anymore, because I am too lazy, and what qualifies me to review movies? Nothing so whatever, no more. Like anyone reads this anyway.
April 20, 2009, 2:47 pm : Reviews on 3 more movies….
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JCVD – incase you didn’t know, this movie is mostly in french. I say this because I saw the trailer on apple trailers and thought it was an english movie. I wouldn’t even have minded the french subtitles if I could have read them properly. They were in plain white type with no shadowing on the letters or boxes around them. So unless the bottom part of the screen was dark, you couldn’t read the subtitles. But I got the jist of the movie. The best part was a monologue by Jean Claude Van Damme about how he was famous when he was young and he maybe did things he shouldn’t have done, and there are many people who deserve to be famous before him. It was a good refelction from a washed up, over the hill action star. But the movie dragged on and could have been more interesting.
•• (Two dots out of Five)
Observe and Report – I was surprised that Seth Rogen didn’t play the loveable stoner in this one. He played a complete douche who’s racist and semi-retarded. It had its moments, but I wouldn’t pay to see it again. There’s not really that much to say about this one…it kinda just sucked.
•1/2 (One and a half dots out of Five)
Adventureland – Here we have an interesting take on a young adult love story. The guy and girl in question work at a depressing amusement park, the guy dates a “hotter” girl while he’s infatuated with her, and she’s sleeping with an older married man while she’s falling for him. It’s a good story with great characters and awesome bit players including Bill Hader who takes a baseball bat to some jock dick who finds out one of the games at the park is rigged. If you want to see a good movie that will also make you laugh, see this one.
•••3/4 (Three and three quarter dots out of Five)
March 27, 2009, 8:41 am : Reviews on 2 more movies
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Last House on the Left – this was a remake of Wes Craven’s first film from 1972. Why does hollywood insist on remaking old ideas? Isn’t anyone original anymore? This remake is on the same level as the “Friday the 13th” remake. It’s just an excuse for “scary” gore with a big “horror” brand on it for the dullards of today to go to the movies and scream at the disgusting images on screen. This movie is not really scary, but the rape scene is gross, and it makes you uncomfortable, as it did in the original, and there’s some cool gore for everyone to enjoy.
•1/2 (one and a half dots out of five)
I love You Man – Let’s go watch Paul Rudd be charming for an hour and 45 minutes….okay, why not. This movie is funny, but the directing is noticeably bad and it’s distracting. But the actors pick up the slack and make you laugh, but not too hard. I’d watch this again if I was bored but I will not be purchasing it on DVD.
••1/2 (two and a half dots out of five)
March 9, 2009, 8:51 pm : Reviews on 2 More Movies
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Slumdog Millionaire – Yeah I saw this quite a while ago, but I just realized that I never gave my 2 cents on it. And yeah I know it got the Oscar for best picture, but I think “Milk” should have got it instead. It’s about this orphaned kid in India who has a brother and a girl he loves. They are both taken away from him and reunite with him in different times in his life, and no matter what he never forgets this girl. She’s trapped in a loveless marriage that’s more like slavery (on her side of things). And he knows that if he were to get on the TV show “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” it would let her know where he is and that he is ok, and if he could win, they could run away together and never have to worry about being apart again. So he wins, they find eachother, and his brother (who’s kind of been a prick the whole time) finally acts like a big brother and gives them the opportunity to be free. True love triumphs (sorry if I ruined it). It is an interesting story, in an interesting setting with realistic, 3-dimensional characters. Just an old fashioned love story with a foreign, new-age twist. And although the movie was very good, I don’t think it was better than “Milk.”
••• 1/2 (Three and a Half dots out of Five)
Watchmen – I never got a chance to finish the comic series before I saw this movie. But as I found out, it’s not a necessity as the movie sticks pretty close to the comics. It has a deep, layered story that interacts with events in history. What if super heroes were involved in the Vietnam war? This movie answers that hypothetical query. It is a very in depth story with very developed characters and a pretty dark storyline. The comic series it is based on is the highest reguarded graphic novel of all time, and it’s not hard to see why. The director Zack Snyder leaves his mark with his 300-esque action sequences and magnified gore and eroticism. I found the soundtrack interesting. The opening credits song is “The Times They Are A-Changin’” by Bob Dylan, and obvious choice with Dylan quotes althrough the graphic novel. But with songs like “Dust in the Wind” and “99 Luftbalons,” it gives the movie a unique feeling. I also liked how the movie wasn’t bogged down with big celebrity names. The most famous person in the movie was Billy Crudup, but I guarantee that after this movie, the rest will be renowned in time.
•••• (Four dots out of Five)
February 17, 2009, 11:47 pm : Reviews on 2 more movies
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The International – Clive Owen is a paranoid guy on the edge who is the only one who believes his story that this huge international bank is involved in an array of illegal doings, and anyone who tries to bring it to light either dies or disappears. It builds up and up, all leading to a climactic shootout in the Guggenheim museum. Then after that, there’s still a half hour of movie. I kind of found it hard to pay attention to more talking and stuff after the shoot out. But it did complete the story. The ending was one of those open ended endings which is admittedly more realistic, but you don’t feel like you have a concrete “ending” that you can take home with you.
••• (Three dots out of Five)
Friday The 13th – This is not a simple remake of the first “Friday the 13th,” it’s more like a remake and condensing of the first 3 movies. They show Jason’s beginnings, establish his sick motives for killing endless amounts of innocent campers, and set the stage for a bloody battle royale. They attempt to make Jason more human, and add to the character, but it borders on ridiculous. First off, Jason shouldn’t run ever. The people run, then Jason just ends up in front of them somehow, it’s more creepy that way. Jason living in his mom’s old run down house is plausible. Jason having an underground lair where he has trip wires that set off chimes so he can go murder when he hears people on the trails above is ridiculous. They added some realism, but took out all the paranormal feeling that came with Jason. They turned him into just another burly, disfigured serial killer in a mask. I seriously thought they might actually make him talk. They did throw in a bit of Jason Voorhees immortality near the end. But one could argue that he WAS human in this one. To compete with the surgery channel-esque “horror” movies of today like “Saw,” they make the deaths super gory, but for a cynic like me, they were nothing special. This movie was okay, as it breathed life into what some people thought was a dead horror franchise, but for us who have been camping at Camp Crystal Lake since we were little, it was kind of a let down. But I will say it was better then I thought it would be. – P.S. – Hey film makers, let Kane Hodder play Jason in the future, nobody does it like him.
•• (Two dots out of Five)
February 3, 2009, 9:26 pm : Review on 2 Movies
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Defiance – 007 Nazi Hunter? Daniel Craig is the leader of a group of Jews dodging the SS in Nazi Germany. I thought this movie was going to be just okay. But it was really good. They draw you in, and get you emotionally involved in the characters. It was much better than I expected.
•••1/2 (3 and half dots out of 5)
Taken – They took Liam Neeson and made him a combination of Jason Bourne and Jack Bauer. He’s an ex-secret agenty type guy, and he’ll stop at nothing to get his kidnapped daughter back. If you want to see Liam Neeson ruthlessly beat up bad buys for an hour and half, why the hell not.
••1/2 (2 and a half dots out of five)
January 12, 2009, 11:16 am : Reviews on some movies I saw
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“The Reader” – This movie starts off real scandalous. This kid stumbles accross this woman who helps him out while he’s sick, so he gets better and goes back to thank her and they start an afair. You kind of envy the kid. I would have liked some hot older lady wanting to get down with me when I was 15. Sure that makes her a dirty pervert, but I assure you, the kid didn’t mind. But the middle and end of the movie drags along, and the make up job to make Kate Winslet look old just made her look like a corpse. It was ok, But I probably wouldn’t watch it again.
•• 1/2 (Two and a half dots out of five)
“Milk” – This one is a true story about the first openly gay man elected to major office in the U.S. Sean Penn is Harvey Milk in this movie. For an actor who’s straight, he gives a 100% believable performace as a gay man. He jumps in head first. James Franco deserves a nod too, he also did a great job. Emile Hirsch boardered on over the top, but his performace was enjoyable as well. This movie was emotional and heartfelt, and it tells the story in an entertaining and interesting way. Go see it.
•••• (Four Dots out of five)
“Gran Torino” – This is basically Dirty Harry being an old racist for 2 hours. He kind of learns the error of his ways, but not 100%. I reckon this is more realistic, but you kind of wish he would have changed a little more. It has many hokey “old grumpy man” parts, but they’re funny and serve as the comic relief. I would reccomend this movie only if you want to see it already.
••• (Three dots out of five)
“The Wrestler” – Mickey Rourke is a genius in this one. I have known several independent wrestlers before, and he hits the nail on the head with this one. It’s shot in a “shakey camera documentary” style which works well with the content of the movie. It is very emotional and depressing. If you don’t know much about what happens behind the scenes of professional wrestling, you might want to check this out. The ending is odd, so watch out.
•••1/2 (Three and a half dots out of five)
December 7, 2008, 9:37 pm : Movie “Quantum of Solace”
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If you liked “Casino Royale” you won’t like this movie as much because it’s not as good. It rips hard on the “Bourne” movies and there’s too much mindless action with no emotion behind it. I was a bit dissapointed.
Two dots (out of five)
••
September 20, 2008, 8:58 pm : …reviews of movies I saw and never reviewed
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Here are some quickie reviews of some movies I saw and never reviewed because of laziness or because I forgot to.
Vicky Christina Barcelona
Oh Woody Allen…this movie is very witty and upbeat. It’s nice to see a movie with Javier Bardem where he’s not killing people with a oxygen tank cow killing thing. The narration was kind of odd, but it didn’t really hurt. The movie is very character based and cute. Three and a half dots (out of five)
•••1/2
Tropic Thunder
This movie is pretty much one big pop culture reference (not that that’s really a bad thing). It’s really funny and Tom Cruise made me not hate him so much with his performance. It’s a Ben Stiller comedy that’s actually pretty good, with good supporting players. Three dots (out of five)
•••
Pineapple Express
This is a good Judd Apatow movie with a twist of action (with less sentimentality than a “40 Year Old Virgin” or a “Knocked Up”). It’s a stoner/buddy comedy that’s a little over the top. You never go too long without laughing. Three and three quarter dots (out of five).
•••3/4
That’s it, i’d say go see ‘em all.
September 20, 2008, 8:20 pm : The Movie “Burn After Reading”
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This movie was genius/pointless. The Coen brothers’ comedies tend to speak in a language that is slightly askew when compared to the mundane popcorn comedies of our day, or even when compared to irreverent, clever, good natured comedies. Something about the attention to detail and the actors chosen to play such particular characters makes Coen comedies special. 10 years after “The Big Lebowski,” “Burn After Reading” boasts a slightly more upscale cast of Hollywood’s A-listers mixed with great actors like Frances McDormand and J.K. Simmons. This movie speaks the same goofy language as Lebowski but in a totally different setting and set of circumstances. This movie keeps you howling. 4 dots out of 5. – Oh yeah, and there’s something about listening to John Malkovich say “FUCK” that’s just special.
••••